Mwana waLameck Funeral Drama : lessons learned 

There is nothing quite like airing your dirty laundry in public. People have a terrible habit of lying at funerals. They lie about how wonderful the deceased was. But not Lameck Makwiramiti. He let it all out at his daughter’s mother in-law’s (mrs tumba) funeral. Apparently the now deceased mother in law was a nasty piece of work who once poured a chamber pot filled with her urine on Lameck’s daughter. Lameck didn’t care that it’s considered taboo to speak ill of the dead. Akabuda musaga. Mrs Tumba also claimed that her son was not responsible for Lameck’s daughters pregnancy. Lameck was absolutely right and taught those bastards a lesson in humiliation. Basa rekudira vana vevanhu mutundo. Sadza rino dirwa majecha, ahiye. Chikafu chino mixer netsvina.

If you were a asshole in life, the mourners at your funeral shouldn’t sugarcoat it. The truth hurts. Africans like to please themselves with lies. What Lameck did was hectic but it left me feeling motivated. Lameck exposed the dirty secrets of the evil bitch who tormented his daughter. I give Lameck two thumbs up. I endorse him. He had a score to settle with the bitch. One word to describe Lameck’s reaction is honest. Another is legend. He caught them by surprise. He knew the kind of people he was dealing with. Ma work suit ava kunzi maLameck suit.

He gave the tumba clan 48 hours to put their affairs in order. He threatened to kill them all one by one. They should suffer until they pay, shit dzevanhu. They will learn. His outburst came after hearing other people’s utterances about what a good person she was. They were busy celebrating her while he was angry and bitter, for good reason. He stood for the truth. He should be emulated by all and sundry. It is not in our African culture to praise witches at their funerals. The deceased misdeeds were a public secret. Benzi rambuya rinodira weti. This woman was a witch for sure.

I have already bought myself my own pair of tan boots just like Lameck’s grandchild. Pfeee netan boot. Up yours mrs tumba! Lameck akosha kukunda chihuta. That urine was a blessing in diguise, now Lameck is popular, aenda nenyika. Sando kuna Lameck. Pamamonya ipapo, kusvika mati sorry. Kusvika vati eke. Mrs tumba was a hard hearted bitch. No one will be placing roses at her tombstone anytime soon. Zvekudirwa wiwi yangove a distant memory. 

Kana vanhu vakanetsa, vaudzei kuti Lameck arikuuya kuzozvidira madhodhi. Nokuti ndiye anetsa pataundi. He is being celebrated for doing the right thing. I heard both sides of the story and Lameck was very right. Why do people act as if everyone who dies automatically goes to heaven? The #muzukuruwalameck challenge saw people posting pics of their tan boots on social media. Lameck should speak at Robert Mugabe’s funeral. We should start a new system were we speak the truth at funerals. Dai kudenga kune TV. Lameck aenda nenyika sezvakamboita zvihuta. Yatove mhondoro. Akavadyira bhonzo panhamo. Chirangamapenzi. Mafirakureva.

Lameck is a grandfather who makes sure his grandchild has a tan boot. You can’t treat his daughter like a dog. He will give you 48hrs to get your shit straight. 

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